YMC Profiles: A story about surviving body dysmorphia,  anorexia and bulimia nervosa
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YMC Profiles: A story about surviving body dysmorphia, anorexia and bulimia nervosa

August 17, 2019

Oh no no. I want to do it I just don’t wanna
start crying right away. Okay. My name is Daniela and for 11 years I
suffered from body dysmorphia which led to anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. The earliest memory I think I can recall
was when I was walking to school with one of my friends and there were two older girls that were
sitting on the curb at the school where the sidewalk was and my friend and I
were walking by and they were just they were just enamored with my friend they
just thought she was so cute and you know beautiful they like stopped her and
you know wanted to give her a hug and I wasn’t really included in that so I
think that’s like the earliest memories that kind of when I look back I can
recall of something that may have started the ball rolling.
The body dysmorphia I think grew into a greater part of my psyche as I started
to go through puberty. My body was changing and I was starting to feel more
uncomfortable in my own skin and as I got a little older I got a little bit
chunky but you know like childhood chunky nothing that was worrisome but to
me it was huge because my friends didn’t look like that. So when I was 11
years old that’s when I decided to kind of not eat as much. I figured if I didn’t
eat I wouldn’t gain weight and I would slim down. I would only eat a mustard
sandwich at 3 o’clock for the day. Then when my mom saw that I wasn’t eating
enough she would just push me to eat more and more and more and so that
pushed me to the bulimia where okay they want to see me eat so I’m going to eat
and then I’m gonna do something about it. In terms of hiding it everyone’s so busy
with their own lives it’s not like my mom could have she’s a single mother she
couldn’t just you know keep her eyes on me 24/7 she had a million things to do
and my sisters had their own lives it’s you know – I was really good at hiding it
like and I came up with different ways to hide it. My doctor never really
brought up any issues they she never she didn’t think that there was anything
wrong with me maybe I wasn’t skin and bones bones but
I was skinny enough. Maybe not skinny like too skinny for her for it to be
scary but at one point I weighed like maybe 89 pounds. Like I look back on it and I understand
why I felt that way I don’t I don’t put blame on anybody like it was all me – my
mom, when my mom found out she was more upset than anything that she wasn’t there
to help me. It was in the past and I’ve grown from it so there was no point, but
I’m glad that I did tell my mom ’cause it’s something that did weigh down on me
because there was a lot of lies involved with it a lot of things that I wasn’t
proud of that was always a mystery to a lot of people of, “well how did this
happen, how did that happen?” It was – it all had something to do with my disorder
and the fact that I was able to get that off my shoulders has freed me in a way. The aha moment was a bunch of little aha
moments that came to a breaking point where I was like enough is enough
like I’m not happy. My life for 11 years it was not a life. I was I was living I
was present but I wasn’t present. I was – I was very distracted. I wasn’t enjoying life. Eleven-year-old Daniela. I don’t know
what I would say to her. I would try to help her see how awesome and unique she
is and how she doesn’t have to be like everybody else. I love being me now – like
I feel like I’m back to that kid that I was that had that art drawer. I’d
pull out my – now I have an art buffet where I have all of my crafts in my buffet and I’m like,
“oh what can I make today?” Like I love it. Like I love – I love where I am today
and I know that I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t experience what I did. So I don’t
regret experiencing a single moment of that. It sucks that I miss out on so many
memories because I was so distracted but I’ve gained so much more and – and that’s it.

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  1. I swear this story has given me motivation to recover I luv ur story nd I’m so sorry that u had to go through this I luv ur voice nd the way u had tears in ur eyes has brought me to tears I wish I could get in touch with u nd I could learn more about it so u could help me or anyone help me to recover

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