Struggling With An Eating Disorder
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Struggling With An Eating Disorder

August 14, 2019

(pen scratching on paper) (solemn music) (whooshing and squeaking) – [Woman] Hi!
– Hey! So good to see you! – I can’t believe you’re in town! – I know, it worked out so well. My work just sent me out here, and then I got to extend the trip. – That’s so great!
– Yeah! Well, I got us beer. – [Woman] Great! A whole pitcher. – Yeah, I figured we should celebrate. – Okay. Cheers.
– Cheers. Oh, I ordered fries. Feel free to have some. – I’m starving. – [Dani] Oh, good, yeah,
we can get more food. Wait, so tell me everything! How do you like the new job? – It’s great. I’m starting to get to know my coworkers, and my boss is really great as well. – I’m so happy for you. – So, what are you doing in town? – On Sunday, they want to go to Disneyland if you want to come. Is it Disneyland or Disney World here? – [Woman] It’s Disneyland.
– Disneyland. Okay, yeah, I don’t know anything. I haven’t been there
since I was six years old. I just remember Space
Mountain and Dole Whip. (talking continues distantly) So if you want to come,
you totally should. I think it’d be really
fun if you were around. – Oh, my God, so sorry,
I totally spaced out. – Okay, well, I see you haven’t changed. – Yeah, not, not much. Should we order? What do you want to eat? – Yeah, yeah, totally! Let’s order. They have great burgers here. Their California burger is amazing. It comes with cheese and this awesome sauce, but they have good salads and stuff, too, if you don’t really want a burger. – No, no no no. I’m good. – Oh, hey, excuse me, sir? We just wanted to order. – Of course! What can I get you? – Can I have the California
burger with pepper jack? – Yeah, I’ll have the same thing. – [Waiter] Okay, thanks. Thanks, ladies. – I’m so glad you’re doing so well. – Thanks, yeah. Thank you. – [Dani] (exhales sharply) Oh
my God, this looks amazing! – [Woman] This looks so good.
– Yes. (fast-paced music)

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  1. I am a 14 year old bodybuilder/power lifter. I weigh 161 lbs. and I am 5’6”, at around 10% body fat. I eat almost 5,500 calories a day.

  2. I’m 11 and weigh 107 lbs. I’m proud of it. I don’t look 107 lbs, but if you’re wondering, yes I am. All these people are like, “you’re so skinny!!” But I’m like, sure sure.

  3. This video describe a lot of how I am in public. I’m in recovery for an eating disorder and I feel so embarrassed when me and my family go out to eat. Because my my family knows about the eating disorder, I feel like I’m always being watched whenever I order. I also still count calories and a lot a certain amount of calories for certain meals. I feel bad because I also have grown to fear the food my dad and I used to eat together, something I know my dad is very disappointed about. I feel like I’m holding him back and that with me he can’t truly relax because he feels that he needs to focus on my needs and what I’m eating. Honestly, it makes me feel like a burden. It’s not like I wanted the eating disorder. I just want to eat and live normally. However, that’s more easier said than done for someone who has an eating disorder and I think my dad forgets that sometimes. I know that if I was different my dad would be a lot happier. I wish it was so easy to change. I’m trying though, although at a slower pace than most want. I eat foods I’ve feared for months, I don’t exercise for over an hour a day on 900 days per day. I just haven’t gained any of the weight back as far as I know and I constantly get reminded of that very day and it’s degrading. It’s like how far I’ve come isn’t good enough for the people I love… who am I kidding? It’s not. I just yearn to be normal again so that I’m not the source of worry anymore.

  4. I have an eating disorder and it takes about an hour of me trying not to cry or panic about eating. Anything over 300 calories is too much to me and I can't bring myself to eat anything. I live on rice cakes and diet soda.. I starve for days until I pass out. Being calorie cautious or eating too little doesnt meanyou have an eating disorder. Its an annoying voice in your head that makes you feel guilty after a single pea, Its purging after meals or wanting to pass out maybe even wanting to feel in control. Theres also an eating disorder called Pica which not many people know about. But its more than this.

  5. As someone that had an eating disorder, this isn’t quite the representation of an eating disorder. They could’ve done a lot better than counting the calories and having thoughts about the food that they ended up eating anyways.

  6. It’s heartbreaking to look through the comments and see people 14 and under struggling with self confidence/love

  7. I think I do have anorexia I act like I eat a lot in front of my friends but I barely eat at school, I only eat my dinner and also I barely eat my breakfast. Everytime I look on the mirror I feel fat or something that I don't like about my body even so everyone say that I'm too skinny.

    Edit: I'm 12 years old with a height of 5'1 and I weigh 88lbs is that fine?

  8. This is literally me
    I have trained my body to only eat one meal a day, if even that
    ( I only eat dinner when my moms home. I fast to often )
    I track me calories, then burn double at the gym

    I never had a nice body
    When I was young, I ate until I was stuffed every meal
    I now stop eating even when I’m still hungry

  9. I can some what relate to this post, recently ive started my weight loss journey and my goal was to originally lose 40 pounds. Ive lost 30 pounds so far, but since i started, i chose to eat less and less calories each week and now im up to eating 500-800 calories a day. Literally EVERYWHERE i go i check for a miror or glass or SOMETHING i can see my reflection in and i look at myself to make sure that im losing weight and that im getting smaller or maintaining the weight i have. Im about 99% sure im forming an eating disorder and i can already see it coming before it gets here. Idk if i should be worried or not but im just a b i t concerned that when i DO reach my goal weight, im still gonna think i look fat and ill end up wanting to lose more weight, and each time i reach the goal im wanting to get to ill STILL think im too big and will end up losing more and more and more until im at least 100 pounds. Im just slightly concerned but idk what to do anymore, im not even at my first goal weight but i already see this whole eating disorder situation happening i

  10. I cant stand my anorexia. I cant see and I have no energy to do my hobbies and theres crappy clothes shops making stick clothes. I am afraid to eat over a certain number of calories after getting a slow metabolism. Cried all day today. I am trying to find out how slow it is so I can be guaranteed I wont gain any more weight.

  11. One thing is that you should love your body everyone is beautiful and most models out there actually plus size and everyone is beautiful and you should love your body no matter what and I'm just saying that so I seem like a good person I'm saying that because you shouldn't hurt your body to your body's not paper you should judge your body your body is not a book.

  12. I watched this video a year ago and found it confusing. I thought "she's skinny. why doesn't she just eat?"

    but a year later i'm diagnosed w ano. it's weird how things change like that and to anyone watching this video as a trigger, we'll make it through this.

  13. I'm looking through the comments and these kids are so light weight I'm 13 and I weigh more than 200 pounds

  14. There's a zillion ED videos on YouTube and this is by far the most accurate depiction of the struggle inside a mind plagued.

  15. The main character is so beautiful and skinny, I am not overweight but I do struggle with wanting to lose weight. It’s so hard to convince yourself to love yourself when you don’t feel good.

  16. Im about 98 pounds when I need to be 140. I dont count calories like this, I just cant bring myself to eat. It disgusts me that people still compliment me on being so healthy.

  17. wait but i have been on a “diet” for almost 3 months now. first month I have been starving myself. Then my parents found out and I ate. I had to. Now I still tend to not eat anything sweet and when I do i eat small,and I regret it. And when I look at myself in the mirror all I see is fat. I regret eating most of the time and im trying so hard to lose weight. And I just want to be skinny for once in my life. For most of the time I worry about food I am going to eat,when and how much im gonna eat. Im sad because I eat and i look fat. Is this something serious I should worry about?

    mention i am not overweight

  18. I still struggle with anorexia, it's sad and it's hard. I want to eat but sometimes I just don't want to.
    My boyfriend says I look great but I just can't believe him because of years of my parents making fun of my weight.
    I'm still working on it. I've started eating better and exercising

  19. I’m 12. I have and still
    Do struggle with depression (it’s been diagnosed) and an eating disorder. My eating has gotten better but I still try not to eat “a lot” some days I eat as little as I can and some I completely purge but tend up erasing it..

  20. Lemme just say…

    I love Yessica’s hair ❤️, it suits her face so much
    (Also I’m not sure, but I think Yessica is the one with just bleached hair)

  21. What if we lived in a reverse world where everyone thought that being fat was “good” and being skinny was “bad”

  22. I want help..
    Idk but every time i eat something unhealthy or even more than 400 calories of healthy food i feel so sick and in the next day i eat like 400cal and workout a lot so i can lose it everyone says im not fat except from my brother
    But the thing is when i eat im ok and i want more and more but after..
    Is that an eating disorders or just diet?

  23. My doctor tells me my BMI is perfectly normal, and Im not particurlary chubby nor skinny.
    But Ive been struggling with an eating disorder. It started when I was 12 (i was much chubbier then), I would purge literally almost anything I ate. This continued for 4 years. At 16, I simply didnt care anymore and ate what I wanted to eat. This wasnt necessarily healthy food that I ate, but I was excersing so I didnt gain a lot of weight. It went downhill when I went off to uni at 18. I was depressed the first year. And stressed in the following year because of my studies. Im a medical student so I know exactly how detrimental unhealthy eating can be, but I was still binging. No excersize either, so my weight rose from 54 to 61 kg in no time (im 5 ft 3 btw). Im 21 now. When I'd go home for the holidays, my sisters would always be in good shape. Everyone would tell me I'd gained weight and that my face was way chubbier than before, and that was when the realization hit me that I had gained a lot of weight. I was also diagnosed with NAFLD which further scared me. My family was super supportive though. They ensured I was eating healthy, and they started eating healthy too so I could follow their example and wouldnt feel alone. My mom and I joined a gym. These were all healthy methods to get in shape, and all was good until I started purging again, after I had stopped for 5 years. I really dont know why the purging was triggered again. I started restricting EVERYTHING in my diet. Wouldnt even TOUCH restaurant food. I would skip meals (breakfast and lunch), count calories (like even checking the calories in green tea) and excersize till I was extremely dizzy. I still do. To this day. Last week, I REALLY wanted to eat a kfc burger, since I hadnt for 8 months. I had starved myself for 20 hours so the craving was especially unbearable. I got the Krunch Burger deal (which is one of their smallest burgers). After just eating a small fries pack I was extremely full. This worried me but I was too far gone, I ate the burger too with actual tears streaming down my face. I puked immediately after. This time it wasnt induced.
    When I wake up, my head ALWAYS hurts. I cant concentrate, I forget things easily and im always just so tired. So so tired. Every time I try to stop, I cant. I keep falling back into the cycle. I havent told anyone about this, im hoping I can conquer it again like I did 5 years ago. And the worst part is that I lost 5.5 kg this way in less than a month. Some sick, twisted part of me is proud of that and wants to continue. I live away from home in a hostel, in a single room. And ive felt faint before, I know no one can help if I suddenly fall unconscious on the floor. I know this isnt right for me, and thats why its so painful.

  24. Well this has hit me hard. I don't write down the calories and stuff but I do feel fat sometimes. I am 5'8, 14 years old and 110 lbs, I know it is underweight and stuff but people still tell me that I am heavy and fat. And I just want to be skinnier, but not anorexic. To all the people who are discovered from this, I am soooo proud of you. But I don't know how to deal with my thoughts…. Anyone tips? :/

  25. I know this feeling to well. I'm so nervous when I got to order something to act 'normal' when I really need to control what I eat bcs I just scared if they found out what I was doing. It's just tiring. Sometime I think I do need help.

  26. I remember going to a burger joint and seeing the menu without calories labeled. I threw an outrage in my head and ordered whatever sounded the healthiest.

  27. for people who whine at me that they ''can't get over it''[if you are lying, ten stop messing with me] that isn't my fault and remember, you can't fully recover without deciding to recover in the first place. okay

  28. What about eating disorder when people binge eat, I hate this why can’t yall make a video on that.

  29. I like how they didn’t take an underweight girl for this, anorexic is a mental thing and not everyone with it is super skinny

  30. BuzzFeed is a hypocrite. They make a video about ‘’unhealthy eating’’ but it’s a skinny girl. Yet when it comes to fat people, they glorify it.

  31. I’m at a normal weight but since summer break started I had has an objectif to loose weight for next year but I haven’t eatin’ more that one meal a day which is a salad and I start to feel more and more deasy

  32. I remember watching this video years ago saying “That will never happen to me, I have a healthy relationship with food.” Fast forward a couple years and here I am starving myself and counting calories. An eating disorder can happen to anyone and I think that’s the scariest part of it. I’ve gotten better than I was but still have negative thoughts surrounding food from time to time. It’s hard because you need food to survive so kicking your habit is not as easy as quitting something like cigarettes. I wish the best for anyone going through a similar thing as me. Just know that you are not alone and help is out there ❤️

  33. “ I see you haven’t changed “
    Major trigger because I want to be seen as skinnier than before🤕
    I’m so sorry to my friends how can I be this needy…

  34. A lot of my friends say “I’m really skinny” or “you’re so skinny” which I think is the strangest thing because I eat loads of food especially like not very healthy foods either so what happens to me? Why does it disappear. Like not making me fat or anything. So very strange

  35. I was almost an anorexic because of ballet. I wanted to be skinny, but that only made me weaker. I had so much trouble doing the moves. I’m better now though

  36. I'm 15 and I weigh about 99 lbs. I absolutely hate looking at my reflection in the mirror because all I see is fat. I only eat 150 calories or less a day and I exercise for 1 hour and 30 minutes everyday and it makes me so frustated to know that the fat is still there despite all of the calorie deficit and the vigorous exercises I'm doing. Having an eating disorder is so hard, and the people around us makes it harder.

  37. One person keeps telling me im fat every time I wear jeans or a short…. While I'm not… I try to burn calories and try to slim down my legs… I'm only 11…

  38. Since May I've been restricting my food intake, I constantly weigh myself after I eat and go hours on end without eating. Some days it's so bad that if I see that I've "gained" a couple grams after eating I punish myself by not eating at all for the rest of the day. I even plan my meals, for example yesterday I planned that I would skip breakfast today, which I did

  39. I never count my calories, I just see how long I can go without eating. Even though it's breakfast time, why should you eat if you're not hungry? At lunch, if I'm not hungry what's the point in eating?
    I always eat dinner though, but if I'm not starving, I'll only have a small amount.

  40. Im really skinny and underweight.. I honestly want to gain weight but my metabolism ; – ;.. I've been asked whether i was "anorexic" or "bulimic", it was honestly stressfull for me even though i eat a lot.. Plus the worst part is that my face is so damn fat but my body is just ; – ;

  41. So here's the thing, I'm not overweight at al, also not underweight, I'm 1.50mt and weight 48kg, however, when I try to speak to someone about my ED and how I feel I always get the same "Oh but your are okay, you are not skinny or fat, you are really healthy", I had one doctor that worked with me and tried to help me with anorexia recovery, she moved out and even though I have told my doctors I have been diagnosed with Anorexia, they say I'm recovered since my weight is okay and my period is back. But I'm hungry and I starve, and everyone knows but they don't care about it.

  42. Exactly what it’s like for me. It’s weird realizing that you have an eating disorder. I’ve been suspecting that I did, but it’s way too real when u 100% know what it’s like in these types of videos

  43. i remember the first time watching this video, not only did I thought it’s completely normal, but also too loose and way not restrictive enough

  44. I hate eating with people, or even be seen eating at all, it just scares me and makes me feel awkward/ashamed and disgusting at the same time, same thing when I watch someone eat especially if they don't eat properly, then when i'm alone I just go and binge on anything, then my family says I should eat with them and that it's "bad manners" leaving them eat alone, they will never understand ffs…If anyone has any advice i'll be happy

  45. idk how to counting calories.. I can't remember all of them..
    so if I eat 3 times in 1 day, or maybe twice but it had lots of food in my plate,
    the next day I'll eat once a day.. it goes for around 3 days, after it I starving like death and eat 3 times again but then I'm afraid I'll gain weight so I'd eat once a day again..
    its because if I eat normally 3 times a day, I'll gain 2kg in a week.. and need to eat once a day for a week if I want to loss 1 kg in a week..
    last time I check my blood had a low cholesterol.. doctor said its because of my eating habit is not healthy.. roll roll*
    but I'm too afraid bullied again if I gain more weight.. 😭

  46. I've never been underweight but was 1kg away of being it. And if it wasn't because the summer. holidays started, I would have been much worse today. I'm 14 and was very thin until the age of 12. Since I was 12 y/o I started to do a lot of sports at the same time (swimming, athletics, climbing..) and gained a lot of muscle, but I wasn't very careful with my diet so even though I had more muscle, I still had a little bit of fat (ok, not 'a little'). Luckily, I've never been overweight, I was 1,68 and 64,5 kg. I never loved my body, but I wasn't really bothered, I just didn't really care. Until my super fit lookslikeamodel old brother 🙄 started commenting on how I looked. Whenever I ate something sugary he would say 'ohhh you shouldn't eat that haha look at your tummy' or 'I don't know what to think about your arms… They're like, a mix of fat and muscle hahaha'. So one day I looked at the mirror and observed my features. My cheeks, my arms, my belly, my thighs… They were all way to fat and big for me. So I started a diet. I ate less and less each day and over exercised myself. I would run an hour everyday and fasted for 5 days every now and then. I had lost 14 kg in 2 months. I lost almost all my muscle and now my little sister is stronger than me. And even now, not only my brother but my whole family says that I look worse than before, saying that I'm too skinny and that 'it's a shame that I lost my muscle'
    And it's horrible, I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed a meal without counting calories or punishing myself after eating something sugary or greasy, which is something that I don't do very often now.

  47. My appetite was not normal from many months due to some digestion issue which did not resolve with allopathy. Finally, I thought of Ayurveda and visited Planet Ayurveda and purchased medicine, I used Digestion support, Snjivani vati, etc. medicines for 3 months. My appetite has been restored to normal now.

  48. I’m really skinny and I eat normal, heck I eat a little more than I should and I’m still skinny. People always say eat a cheese burger, I don’t know what to do 😞

  49. Giving a thumbs up bc eating disorders need to be talked about more, but truth is: can't bring myself to watch this rn bc the struggling woman is gorgeous and skinny.

  50. I simply dont get hungry. Whats wrong with me? I havnt eaten a meal in days now. I have lots of energy and im happy. But i dont eat. People think im on meth. Lol.

  51. I should stop starving myself, i swear. My body is so weak and tired. I have no power. But i'm still not skinny enough to recover. I don't deserve it.

  52. i’m 14 and I wiegh around 128 lbs, I’m 5’3 tall and I already lost 22 pounds since February, I wanna lose more so I can impress everyone when school starts, wish me luck 🙂

  53. this made me realize that maybe i have an eating disorder… considering i do all these things in the video, plus more…

    i avoid eating as long as i can. i make sure my meal is under 150 cal. and whenever we eat out, i go for the least caloric option…

    and throw it up in the bathroom right after…

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