Nathan For You – The Diarrhea Times
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Nathan For You – The Diarrhea Times

September 2, 2019


It seemed like the centerpiece
of every celebrity tipping stor
is a photo
of the transaction receipt
with the celebrity’s full name
and account number on it.
If we fake the receipt,
there’s a chance
a nosy journalist could verify
the transaction
and expose the fraud.So if we really wanted it
to appear real,
We’d have to use a bank card
that was owned by someone
with the same name
as our celebrity.
So I started calling
every Michael Richards
listed the local white pages
to ask for permission
to borrow their bank card
for a one-time transaction
they’d be fully reimbursed for.…and for–– But unfortunately,
none of them would help me out.
Ok–hello?
Mr. Richards?For a moment, I thought
I was all out of options,
but then it occurred to me
that if we could find someone
who was willing to temporarily
change their legal name
to Michael Richards,
we’d be able
to open up a bank account
on their behalf
and get the debit card we neede
to make the transaction real.
And after posting several ads,
we finally got a response.
– So can I ask why you wanna
change your name? – I’ve been Paul
for a long time. Since I was a kid,
uh, I think probably five. Um… my family started
calling me by my middle name and it just stuck.
– So you just wanted to be Paul Holmes?
– Yeah. – Okay, for this project,
I’m willing to pay you… – Mm-hmm.
– To change your name to Michael Richards.
– Okay. [laughs]
Why? – We’re trying to make it seem
like a man by that name left a big tip
at a restaurant. – Okay.
– And… for that I’d be willing
to pay you $1,000. [lightly chuckles] Uh, what’s going through
my brain right now is the huge
pain in the ass this is. You know? Uh… and I’m thinking
if $1,000 is worth it. Um… I mean, is this a yard sale? Can I counter offer
with some money? – What amount do you feel
comfortable with? – 14’s in my head.
I like it. Uh, you can counter offer
with 12. Whatever man, you know?
Give me anything over 1,000 and I’ll think that I win. – So, like, $1,001?
– Mm-hmm. – You’d be happy with that?
– Yeah, sure. – Okay.
So, she we do $1,001? – Sure. Yes. – I mean, is that–
– Mm-hmm. – As long as you’re happy.
– I am happy. – I just wanna make
sure you’re happy with that. – Mm-hmm. – Okay, well, it was great
negotiating with you. – Yeah, good.
I’m an easy negotiator, man. – Yeah, great.
– Yeah. – Well thank you.
– Absolutely.– After settling on an amount
that we are both
happy with, I had Paul
fill out the legal paperwork
that was required to begin
the name change process.
But that’s when I realize
we had a big problem.
To complete a name change
in California,
you’re legally obligated to
publically announce the change
in a newspaper
of general circulation
for four weeks in a row.If anyone suspected that the
Michael Richards tip was fake,
finding this name change
in the paper
would be their smoking gun.I tried calling my legal adviso
Judge Anthony Filosa
to see if there was
any way around this.
You have to publish it? You can’t just
change your name secretly?– But unfortunately,
there wasn’t.
So I felt like
the only way to do this
while maintaining our secrecy
was by creating a newspaper
that no one would ever read.My hope was that by calling it
“The Diarrhea Times,”
no one would ever want
to pick it up,
but to ensure our publication
seemed legitimate to the courts
I rented us an office space
in a media building downtown
and hired a professional
ghost writer named
Austin Bowers–
who once wrote me an entire boo
in less than a week,
to serve as the paper’s
Editor-in-Chief.You ever been the editor
of a newspaper before? – Nope, this’ll be
the first time.– The paper would obviously
need content
and it seemed like Austin
had a big vision.
– Um…definitely wanna include
lots of topics: um, business, arts, politics. Draw lots of people in
and they’ll come. They’ll read.
They’ll share. – Right?
Just make sure there’s a section for name change announcements?
Okay? – Right.Austin walked me through
the rest of the paper
which included articles
on entertainment,
current events,
and even a section
for political cartoons
that he drew himself.
That supposed to be
Donald Trump? – Yes.
– And after including the name
change announcement in the
bottom corner of page three,
next to an op-ed about
“Zelda Symphony,”
the first issue
was ready to print.
So you’re gonna start working
on the next issue? – Yes.
– Okay, awesome.So after receiving thousands
of copies back from the printer
we circulated our inaugural
issue of “The Diarrhea Times”
to the dozens
of distribution partners
we had set up
around L.A. County.
Meeting the minimum requirement
to be recognized by the courts
as a legitimate publication.Since California law dictates
the name change be published
for four weeks in a row,
over the next month,
Austin wrote three more issueswith the name change
announcement in each
that were made publically
available to L.A. residents.
So with all the legal
requirements now met,
Robert Paul Holmes
was given a date to appear
at the L.A. Superior Courthouse
where his name change
to Michael Richards
was approved.
– Here I am. I am
officially Michael Richards. Which is…weird and… again, I’m not relating to it
that much, but… time will tell, I guess.

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  1. Ahhh, I feel sorry for that guy's negotiating skills. I really hope they paid him more than that, he deserves 10k for the amount of risk involved, involving his bank information, setting up a new account, a new ID, the fundamental change to someone's identity, etc. At the very least, 5k.

  2. I hate the last part…. it's kinda fucked he did that to that kid who just wanted to write. I don't like shit where people get mistreated man.

  3. This guy seemed like he needed to change his name cause he was wanted by a law enforcement agency….. LMFAO

  4. giving Austin that job and opportunity is whats up . i have a question this show like dead ass foreal when it says it does the stuff in public?

  5. Nathan’s the only person who can get a dude to work for a company called diarrhea times and get him to write 4 news papers

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