My Anorexia Story (with pictures)
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My Anorexia Story (with pictures)

August 15, 2019

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  1. I'm so sorry that this happened. It's scary how relatable this is. I'm sorry and am so happy that you are recovery. ❤

  2. I’m currently 14 and I’m not being funny what you said is exactly my life now like with my group all of a sudden hating me and getting kicked out when they knew I’m going through some problems. I just started sitting with new girls at break and your story has really helped me as I have gone through feeling bad about eating and making myself sick and I really don’t want it to get this serious. Thank you so much xxx

  3. Hey! I feel you on the friends bit. I've always been disliked by my whole class except for two people, been insulted by the guys and ignored and talked about behind my back by the girls. My friends never texted me when something was wrong, and I always felt like I wasn't fitting in anywhere. No one really cared about me and I was left on my own several times, especially when i wasn't feeling good for whatever reason. I always ended up being the second (or third or fourth) choice to anyone, no one ever looked for me. All I had and still have is my amazing supportive mother. Honestly, i still do feel like i'm not fitting in. In some way, it never really got better. After school I ended up talking to only 2 people who never texted me. I was always the one having to write them first and when I stopped because I was tired of it I haven't got a message for a full 3 months. I didn't really leave my house anymore, i kept feeling useless and lonely and sad and worthless bc no one would ask even though i would usually always write people. The worst part was that i developed anxiety (wich was unrelated to the whole case with my friends) but they knew i had a hard time going out or doing stuff but they didn't care. I ended up realizing they were doing stuff without inviting me and it really drove me on the edge of depression. I guess i'm lucky, thinking back stuff like this never gives me a hard time and fortunately i never really cared what people have to say about me or to me as long as they weren't my friends. But my friends really let me down on several occasions. In the end i know they didn't mean bad but i finally realized that it's all about caring for myself and loving myself even if it means to wait for the right group of friends. I ended up hanging out with people even though they never text me to get out of my house and make the best situation out of it until something better comes along. And right now all I care for is that i've got myself and my mum who has my back.
    I needed to talk about this after seeing your inspirational video because a lot of it reminded me of myself. I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have anorexia but i am super proud that you fought it and overcame it. You're a strong person and a true inspiration to anyone who has to deal with the same. Thank you for your videos!! Xx

  4. Hey Ellbat, I'm genuinely so happy and proud of you. You had this really horrible experience, you recovered and you're all better now and you feel amazing and you're happy. That's all that matters. I'm glad your parents were there for you and i hope more people who unfortunately suffer from ED's have such positive and supportive friends and family to help their recovery.

  5. Thank you ❤️ I suffered from ages 14-17 and it was the worst years of my life. I’ve been in recovery for the last 6 years. I don’t feel like anorexia is something that goes away just something that’s always there but you know it doesn’t control you anymore

  6. Part of your story about the stairs, that hit hard. I can remember one time I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. The bathroom wasn’t even 3 feet from my room and I couldn’t make it. I passed out while walking to the bathroom and while I was on the toilet. I didn’t have access to help where I live so it was just willing myself to get better. It’s been a struggle, but here’s to the 7th year to not slipping back to old habits

  7. honestly ure like a really really amazing person & ure super strong !! im so happy for whr u are rn !! <3 ure like my new fav youtuber now hahahaha

  8. I also had anorexia for 3 years and I spent 1 year in the Hospital. It was the worst time of my life. I didn t get enough psychological help and I was forbidden to study and to move AT ALL (wheelchair). After some time i was so fed up with it that i pretended to get better to get out. When I had normal weight, I kinda got so much into pretending that I actually healed. And I started dancing. Now i want to become a professional. My problem is that whenever i allow myself some sweets or whatever, I notice that i gain weight SO fast. So actually i can't be careless with eating. Sad tho..

  9. I understood when u said how I felt hurt when no one noticed you were gone
    I wasn’t away for much time, just 5 days because I had gotten hit by a car. But a few people I thought were my close friends, didn’t even give me a text while I was gone. Which rly hurt because even when they would miss 1 day I would text them asking if they were ok and such. Or if they issued a class, I would text them and inform them of what we did that day, especially if it was important. I didn’t get 1 text other that from the people that my perants had told

    Yes I realize it wasn’t to your extent, but what u said, reminded me of that.

  10. I was about to get through the same thing, after getting called names about my body, i got really sad and angry and didn't want to eat anything for 3 days, i was getting sick people are mean and they don't care about the words coming out their mouth, i hated all my friends and i pushed them out of my life, it breaks me when i treat them with respect and care for my words but they don't
    you are strong and beautiful the way you are don't let anyone tell you what to do and thanks for sharing your story <3

  11. You just put my whole situation and life into words … thank you so much for this video . Stay strong 🖤🥺

  12. Know the feeling I have anorexia as well. I know I feel powerless. I have many fear foods I am not there yet. I have one of this lists. I cant utilize it due to slow metabolism. Be your best self in your recovery, people often cause this with names and mean judgements keep it out of your life, tell them off. Unfortunately I dealt with an unrelated slow metabolism. 3 years after I regained the weight I couldn't wear most trousers. I gave up shopping but i am still low about it. Just wear dresses. My health was damaged due to the large gut and legs that replaced my lean frame. I got weaker. This wont happen to most people that recover I just was unfortunate. I am not taking that hand. I can eat half what I used not to mention the added weight could undo all the good that a healthy weight gave back. Every time I see food I become depressed. My goal for this year is to find the cause and reclaim my life. I trained for 3 horus daily while I gained 2 pounds a week despite tracking a very low diet it was maintenance and I feared dying. I changed it up nope. I was VERY stressed and it appears to be that. I am getting my nutrition assessed after 3 years of weight issues. Focus on body fat rather than body weight. Don't go too far there are issues mainly heart and other issues. keep a diary just in case. Thats how I coped when it was till possible. This is very rare. I have a game plan. I am then having that takeaway. Every single one that I have to say no to along with a reasonable dinner. I accept now that I cant train out of my issue. I feel stress might have caused me to develop it . There is a healthy state and I will get there. Hope you are ok. I wish you all that I cannot find. I have to love other things like crochet.

  13. You are really brave to tell us about this personal matter like this , Me knowing know it feels to be constantly bullied and knowing how hard it is to speak about it, I can relate to so much you are talking about , No one has anything to get at you about because , Your the best , Keep going Ell x

  14. Hi there!
    So I’m currently an in-patient suffering with anorexia, and with an NG tube. Your recovery story was really nice to here, because a lot of the time it feels like I’m never going to recover. So thank you xxxx

  15. I'm suffering from Bulimia nervosa which is also an eating disorder but I still watched the full video and can I just say you look fantastic just the way you are and how you got anorexia nervosa I don't know because you where beautiful 🙂

  16. oh im so sorry, i was crying the whole time you were 🙁 im so upset to hear only one person texted you when you were off for five months 🙁 this is truly dissapointing. Im rly glad youre ok now and you feel gratitude for ppl that r in your life rn 🙂

  17. This video is so amazing, you should be so proud for speaking out about this really tough subject. As a person who used to suffer this and recovered its so good to see someone else recover as well. You should be so proud and keep up the great work

  18. I haven't been diagnosed with anorexia but the first bit really got to me and the more i think about it now, it really relates to me…

    A few years ago, i found out about the water diet and the diet where you eat for only 8 hours a day then fast for 16 hours. I exercised for hours a day.

    I ended up doing the water fast for a few times a month and doing the 8/16 diet everyday other than the water diet days. I literally set alarms and jotted out days where i would water diet.. I exercised every morning, afterschool and night.

    This went on for a few years…

    It didn't help that over 80% of my highschool and primary were super skinny… they were skinny to the point where they could fit into the smaller lockers in my school…no matter how much they ate, they were always the same old skinny.

    I came to accept that even if you are skinny as a kid, your weight will catch up to you later on in life…

    I slowly reduced the water diets and fastings…. i slowly stopped the time fasts… but i was still exercising for hours a day.

    It took me some time and some years to stop these habits and I still have these habits to this day..

    I feel great that I saw this video to help myself….

  19. I've been watching your videos recently and in one of them you mentioned your past struggles with anorexia and I was so shocked cause I would have never have thought that someone as bubbly and funny as you would have had such a hard past. The saying "never judge a book by its cover" is so true. We never know what someone is going through and hearing how people treated you broke my heart. I'm so glad you were able to overcome your anorexia. Whenever I feel sad I turn to YouTube or a book to lift my spirits, your channel has been one of my favs because of how comedic and real you are in your videos. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. You were meant to be a light for others and you're doing just that❤your amazing.

  20. Yet you still try to promote these extreme diets to little girls (your audience) which literally is just promoting eating disorders . You haven't recovered , stop saying you are when your content is a breeding ground for proana content. Sincerely a RECOVERING anorexic

  21. I never had anorexia, so I can’t say that I know how you feel, but I do realize that anorexia is a horrible thing and I’m really proud that after all of it, you got back up on your feet and that you fought through it.
    You are also extremely brave to share this story to the entire world. I know you know me as a random person on the internet, but you really are an amazing person. Always remember that. ❤️❤️

  22. Thank you for sharing something so personal. You are smart, brave, and beautiful. I'm working on an issue and you helped. Thank you

  23. Awe, baby, this made my heart hurt. You didn't deserve that, no one does. I still struggle with "bullies" and its hard to ignore! If any one is going through it, please try to ignore them. You're beautiful and wonderful and amazing the way you are <3

  24. I am taking pils now so I can recover just it is really hard to change my mind and love food I do not really like the way I look but everyone tells me that I am not fat or anything I just think I need to lose some weigh it really makes me so bad I want to love food as I used to. I am so happy that u got through it! It gaves me some strenght that I can do the same! Love uuu!

  25. This is my silent-voice video that i will never let other people hear, because i feel…well until now i thought i was the only person going through these issues. Thanks for speaking up and i finally watched the video bv i wasn't sure i was strong enough to…you know.🙄🙄💜❤
    Edit: I opened up with my best relative and i felt so good, also great after listening 2 You.

  26. i just listened to the part you talked about kids being mean to you at age 15 and I agree with you, people can be really mean but it's not only teens and the changes we go through aren't an excuse for the behaviour some people exhibit at that age. Kids were mean to me since I first entered school at age 6, they ruined my self steem bit by bit since then even though I thought like you! I've always treated people with kindness, I did favours to my bullies because I thought maybe kindness would make them like me and stop bullying me. Had to move from school to school 8 times and was never liked, for no damn reason. When I was 13 I was already terribly depressed, anxious and tired, had suicidal thoughts all the time… I decided to isolate myself because i was afraid of people and it helped a lot but my social anxiety only grew. I've been through really bad moments but never did I respond to others' agression with hatred or violence. Never. In fact, to this day I am proud to say that I hold no resentment, hate no one and have never hurt anyone on purpose. But I still think it's a choice to be mean, cruel, insincere. Kids, teens and adults. No one should ever hurt anyone, no one should make you hurt yourself. I put the punishment on the hands of destiny and karma and think that maybe, my destiny was to be hurt for that long, to be neglected and abused by my own family, to get to the point that I actually believed that no one liked me because I simply didn't deserve kindness, happiness or love because I've been through hell but that has just proven that I can overcome that, that no matter how much I am hurt by someone I'll still wish them the best and pray for them. That I am that. The one that loves even the unlovable. The bad moments as much as the good ones. I am who I am thanks to all of the times my heart has been broken and my body beaten.
    The only thing now is… I don't know why, it's been some months that every time I eat I feel guilty and want to throw it up. I've ignored it and have been eating anyway but it's hard and some days I eat less and less, the guilt and nausea is just too much. I hate eating :c

  27. I can't believe how kids can be so mean. Growing up, I also didn't have lots of friends, and I know how hurtful that can be, so I'll be your friend 🙂

  28. I know this was a year ago, but I just wanted to say I’m really proud of you! My heart ached while watching this and to hear your thoughts on your recovery is really inspiring. I’ve been in recovery since December, but I’ve been having a really hard time with it. Inpatient and all the arguments with the ones who care about me were scary. I’m in a much better place now, but I’m worried I’ll be back where I started when school starts next month. That’s where it all came from for me. Omg I just realized how long this is I’m sorry😄 Anyways, I hope you’re doing much better and I’m always rooting for you!! 💜💜

  29. I cried when I watched this, honestly… you are such an amazing person… I love you so much and I'm so so so! Proud of you… your honestly amazing 😭❤️❤️

  30. I am so glad that you were able to recover, I support you in everything you do. Your story has given me hope to get better and be happy again💜💜💜

  31. My recovery from Ana has been a really interesting progress my fear foods are chocolate pizza and chips and recently i have been reintroducing my fear foods and i have them every now and then and i don't feel horrible after i eat them i feel comfortable

  32. You know how twisted your head is when you see these pictures from someone that skinny and feel like its normal because you just always see pictures of people this thin.. The problem with that is that I strive to be that way..

  33. I was born with so many illnesses and I’m trying to get better:

    1. Anorexia: when a person doesn’t eat any or enough food

    2. OCD: when a person can’t let go of something and has to do things over and over again

    3. Dislexea: when your brain doesn’t think as properly as other brains

    4. Depression: when you get sad or emotional very easily

  34. I never realised how upsetting it is to relate to stuff like this. Like seriously I never how realised how bad it must have been until I watched this

    Edit: school’s a shitshow isn’t it 😂 great how teachers and kids treat you

  35. I can relate to your experience with lack of people caring. Was off for 6 months after a suicide attempt, noone messaged me nothing not even the school. That completely fucked my a levels and now likely my life

  36. this made me rethink considering recovery, because i really don't want to go like at all but at the same time this life is awful right now and i'm not sure how much longer i can go on like this

  37. Did starting to eat again make you sick? I’m trying to work on everything, but when I do eat I guess I can’t tell if I’m binge eating or eating a regular amount. But I feel so nauseous and so full like I could just throw up. Sometimes I’ll be so full one day that I can’t eat the whole next day or Im sure I’m going to be sick. But I don’t want that to happen and idk I guess do you have any advice? And is this normal? I don’t know who to ask

  38. Thank you for telling us all about this, it takes SO much courage to upload such personal things to YouTube, but the fact that you did this for not only yourself, but to help others struggling to recover is really amazing.

  39. thank you for this, im too scared too tell my parents i binge and purge i want too i know i need help but the thought of telling them and having too get help puts me off

  40. I was bullied really bad. Even to the point of violence. Boys especially called me fat pig and whale and haemorroid. But i just rolled with the punches and out-gronked them. But my friend who was in the popular group got bullied by her friends about her weight. She stopped eating. I remember looking at her and being astounded at how much she had changed. She ended up having a heart attack and almost died, and went to inpatient rehabilitation hospital for 6 months. Resilience isnt something that you can anticipate needing when you're so young.

  41. Thank you for everything you do. Thank you for these amazing videos, thank you for being yourself and for sharing your story. I only got into your channel a few weeks ago so im very new, but you make me so happy. And this video is just.. its helped me a lot. I love you ❤️

  42. I’m so glad that you posted this, I’ve been a fan of you for a while but I’ve only just stumbled across this video, and everything you were saying is what I’m going through right now, I’m going into year 9 now and this video really helped me, you said everything that I feel I want to show this to my parents so they can understand how I feel because I can’t put it into words xx

  43. I will sometimes go years without relapse, yet it’s ALWAYS on my mind. I’m pretty sure I’m going to go back and forth between being normal and starving myself until it hurts me for the last time. You get so so good at lying and you feel like a horrible human being the whole time.

  44. I would be interested to hear how a history of anorexia affects you during all of the diet videos and challenges you try with extreme restrictions

  45. you remind me so much of my friend i went to inpatient with. you both have such beautiful souls and im in tears right now because im so happy for you. im so glad you got your life back even though it isnt easy at all, i cant attest to that with my personal experiences. i love you and if no one has told you recently, you matter and your courage is truly amazing. this really helped me <3

  46. Wow thank you for being so honest and real. I would definitely love to see more mental health videos. ❤️❤️❤️

  47. You really got all of my respect💗 in the past i was fighting with anorexia too and that time it was the hardest time in my life. I was bullyed by my friends every time and i was so upset with this. Fortunately now i am fine and i can live the life i wanted to live. Thank you for sharing this story with us,your story can help many people who fight with anorexia.. You literally are the best,you made me feel like i am an important person and you make me loving myself more❤👏💞

  48. I wanna feel good in my body and enjoy life , I think that I can't but the clothes I want because I need to be skinny or I can't change my hair style because I am ugly, I wanna change but I don't know how..

  49. Stay safe…
    I wanted to say something although u and me are similar I still can’t even enjoy my recovery…
    That means I am not done as I thought I did.
    There’s this constant thought in the back of mind that’s always telling me that I need to burn those calories and eating this certain type of food too much will make me fat…
    The weight on the scale assured me that I am fat rn…
    I am still wanting to be 70lbs I can’t stop myself it’s that stupid desire…
    I just don’t accept the weight gain…
    Despite being 163cm and 46kg.
    I hope you are living your life at the fullest, and maybe someday one day before I die out my ED I get to live like you.♥️

  50. I know how all this feel I have been getting bullied since I was in daycare I think I was 3 or 4 maybe 5 and I am still getting bullied and I am now a sophomore (11 grade) and they have no idea that it is actually something genetic and it hurts so now I can’t eat anything over 45 carbs a day because I am so stupid so I have been starving myself for months because my depression has gotten so bad that I turned to cutting because it freaking hurts and hate myself and the voices won’t go away but I am still over weight

  51. By far the most emotional eating disorder story on Youtube, holy shit.

    Most stories are just slide-shows of skinny folks numbering how many times they were tubed and that is very understandable in my opinion, the disorder is very competetive and that symptom shouldn't be shamed but dealt with.
    This video seriously got through just how different and important ones quality of life is. That inpatient isn't always the best option. How YOU have to choose by YOURSELF to get better, and that is so difficult to commit to but so worth it.
    In the end you realise that the disorder never wanted to help you, it was just a slow form of suicide to numb out the fucked up crap in life.

    I believe that coming out from an ED can make you sooo much more positive toward yourself because, as you said, the bad days are ten times better that the 'good days' of being sick.
    This video is really inspiring, really really motivating.
    In your previous videos you always said such positive things about your body and self-image and how shitty diets are.
    It's TRUE and the people need to hear it.

    Ily good luck <3<3<3

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