Is it possible to have anorexia & not be a perfectionist? Tumblr Tuesday!! #KatiFAQ | Kati Morton
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Is it possible to have anorexia & not be a perfectionist? Tumblr Tuesday!! #KatiFAQ | Kati Morton

August 26, 2019

– Hey everybody, happy Tuesday! And when it’s Tuesday, I’m on Tumblr. And if you’re new to my channel, welcome! And don’t forget to subscribe. And if you’re wondering
who I am on Tumblr, it’s just Kati Morton. It’s easy to find me, so find me, and ask your questions. And I’ve answered some of
your questions already, but I have three questions today as well as a little request at the end, so stay tuned for that. So, without further ado,
question number one. “Kati, is it normal to have anorexia “and not be a perfectionist?” Of course it is! Now I know that a lot
of times in the media and just in basic conversations outside of the mental health
realm with a professional, many people assume that
one thing equals another. Like, oh, if you have an eating disorder you definitely have anxiety,
or you definitely have OCD, or you definitely, if you have anorexia, you’re definitely a perfectionist. And everybody is different. I find it just depends on the person. Some people definitely do have
a perfectionistic tendency, and their eating disorder
is something they’ve created mainly because they are seeking
to control their environment and that’s the one way they
know how to control it. But everybody’s reason is different. I’ve had patients who
were sexually abused, and so losing weight was a way to make themselves “not
appealing” to their abuser. So that’s a totally different thing, and they weren’t perfectionistic at all. So it’s definitely normal, everybody’s situation is different. That’s just something
that is somewhat common, and people have taken it as if it’s fact. But it’s not, okay? Question number two. “Hey Kati, thanks for all you’re doing.” Oh, you’re very welcome. “Can psychoanalytic therapy
help a BPD patient?” I thought this was a great question because I know I talk about
different types of therapy, whether it be CBT or DBT, if you’re wondering what
all these acronyms are, you can search them on
YouTube and find them, just search “DBT Kati
Morton” or “CBT Kati Morton.” Now, psychoanalytic therapy, what is it? I’ve talked a little bit
about it in the past, and it’s more diving into our past relationships and experiences, and working with our therapist to have
a corrective experience. So, it’s almost like if,
in my family of origin when I was little, my parents
were really, really hurtful and verbally abusive
and so I learned to just not talk about how I feel, not talk about what’s going with me, and to just try to keep everything on the up and up so that I don’t get in trouble, because they’re really
mean if I get in trouble. Now, with my therapist, I
may try to recreate that. We call that recapitulating past events. So I may try to recapitulate
it by not doing my homework, or not doing something that the therapist was working with me on, or
I might not listen to them and be like, you’re wrong,
or any number of things, hoping that I’ll, and this is weird, it’s all in our subconscious
is what they believe in psychoanalytic theory,
that in our subconscious we’re hoping to have that same experience. So I’m hoping that the
therapist will be like, “Shame on you, you’re such a jerk! “Blah, blah, blah!” But instead, the
psychotherapist is gonna say, Well, can you tell me
why you didn’t do it? Is that something, you know,
and we’ll look into it. And you will have a healing experience. With DBT, I find this to be
the least helpful of therapies, because when it comes to people with borderline personality disorder, we need help in the moment, in the now, I need help managing my emotions. I need help slowing down my reaction time. I need to think from my wise mind. I need to take some time. I need to learn the
stories of my emotions now. It doesn’t really help us
to dig deep in the past and then try to work on that. We need to work on things now. So I would encourage you,
if you have the option, ’cause all therapy is
better than no therapy. Am I right? Like getting any kind of
therapy, I think, is helpful, as long as your therapist
is working with you and you feel like you’re
working towards things. I would try to seek other types. CBT is better, even just
talk therapy is better, but DBT is the best, okay? Question number three. “Hey Kati, is it fair for someone “to blame their parents
for their eating disorder?” (gasps) “I feel like my parents were
way too controlling of me “growing up, and maybe a
little bit emotionally abusive. “I often find myself wanting
to relapse when they upset me, “as if just to get my revenge.” I thought this was a great question, because parents’ number one concerns about them bringing their
children in to see me is that I’m gonna blame them. Now, is it always okay to blame parents? No. Are parents always to blame? No. Are parents sometimes to blame? Hell yes. Because some parents just aren’t the best. I know they try their best,
and that’s the one thing I always tell parents, you
know, you tried your best, you’re doing the best with what you have, and oftentimes just situational – (scraping)
Ooh. Sorry, I have my window
open ’cause it’s hot here and that car is like, racing
backwards down the alleyway which just seems very dangerous. But sometimes parents
can be really hurtful. They can be abusive,
they can be demeaning, they can really stunt us emotionally. And in those cases, is
it okay to blame them? Yes. But you know where the blame falls when we talk about getting better? On us, ’cause we have to work on it. Yeah, they dealt us a shitty hand ’cause they weren’t really around or they did some horrible things, but seeking help and working on recovery for ourselves is something that I would encourage you to focus on. Because yes, we want to punish them, yes, we wanna blame them, and that’s fine. And it may come down to
having a family session, where you just hash it
out and you’re like, listen, this is all fucked
up and I didn’t like that, or whatever, and then
you work on yourself. And it may need, you may need to have that cathartic experience where
you hash it out with them, but in my experience, sometimes
it’s just you working on you and moving past what they did. So, to round that up,
’cause I know I’m talking all over the place, to
kind of sum that up, yes, it’s fair to blame
parents, but not all the time, ’cause parents aren’t always to blame but in your situation it sounds like they may have been a
little emotionally abusive and that can definitely harm us, and being really controlling
can be really difficult. And so, in some instances,
it’s definitely okay to blame our upbringing. We know it affects us a lot, right? So, anyway, I hope that helps. Okay, so, I have been invited
to be on a podcast, yay! With, it’s called The
Mental Health Happy Hour, and it’s a podcast with Paul Gilmartin. And if you haven’t checked it out, you have to Google The
Mental Health Happy Hour and listen to it, because he talks with different actresses, actors, professionals in the
community, people in his field. Anyway, it’s really cool, it’s kind of a take on mental health, and he talks honestly and openly about all of his own experiences. He has a blog where he is very candid about struggles he’s had
and what he’s going through, and I find it just so awesome. If you’re ever wondering if
something that you’re feeling is normal, or you just
want someone to listen to that you feel like is talking about things that really apply to you,
he talks bipolar disorder, eating disorder, he
talks about everything. It’s just like me, but from
a non-professional standpoint but he has professionals on sometimes just talking and hashing out situations. Now I am going to get to be on his show, and he was asking about what
I would like to talk about. Now my initial response was,
I was gonna email right back and be like, I’d like to talk
about and debunk the myths about eating disorders and self-harm. I thought that would be kinda cool. But I need to come up
with three to six topics, and I thought who better to ask than you in hopes that you’ll listen, and I’ll tell you when
it’s gonna be actually put on live, the
livestream on the podcast. But yeah, so what would
you like me to talk about? What do you think is
good for people to hear? It’ll just be Paul and I talking about it and chatting about it and
giving our takes on it, so what would you like me to talk about? Let me know below, okay? I’ll see y’all tomorrow
where I’m on the website and I’m on YouTube so ask
your questions below as well, and I will see you then. Bye!

Only registered users can comment.

  1. hey Kati! i was wondering what your thoughts were on working with children when you have a mental illness, or if there are any rules or limits? i've had my heart set on being a primary teacher for years but also have had severe depression, anxiety and SH for years and am also in assessment for schizophrenia. i overheard someone saying that someone with these issues would never be allowed near children but i feel like if I can't teach then there's no point in me being here or resisting the urges, help! thank you so so much xoxox

  2. I will keep thinking of more ideas but one of my first thoughts about a topic for you to talk about on the podcast are ways to stay HAPPY! I know you will be talking about mental health issues, but we all want to be reminded of some ways to make ourselves happy. We can then use these "happy-tools" each day 🙂 

  3. Patients themselves sometimes don't believe and/or accept their EDs and other mental illnesses. Even though I've dealt with mine for so long, I still don't believe they are actually real (this is also kinda of a #katiFAQ). How can one get better when one thinks they made all their problems up?

  4. #KatiFAQ Is it normal to have ED treatment "nostalgia" a year later when you actually hated it while you were there? I listen to songs that were popular while I was there in order to just think about/remember the place. I find it very unusual, and just wanted your input on why I might be doing this. Thanks! I love your videos 🙂

  5. my parents didnt try their best with me and i know my depression is because of them

    thx for the ha bisky Q and A i loved this so much i dont know how to get on anti depressants my original way of doing it didnt work and now i dont know what to do

  6. once you said that i knew it was paul i love him i hope he goes back to the jimmy dore show i know about his show i love him so much and i miss him i dont have time for other podcasts besides jimjams just because i am so busy and i know things about him that i am not supposed to know 

    that is also what gets me in trouble with jimmy d he doesnt like that i know things that after he posted the podcast later took out and i still remembered them (it does help for me telling him that he has things to edit out of his podcast but thats pretty much it)

  7. ask him why he isnt on the jimmy dore show (that way you can give jimjam the shoutout)

    a topic that would be good might be how to have hope like with that is my political hope and he probably knows about wolfpac since he used to love politics he just cant stand the mainshit media

  8. #katifaq   kati can you tell if a young kid in your family have a eating disorder cause i think my younger cousin has an eating disorder cause she will only eat certine food so dose she have an eating disorder

  9. #katifaq hey kati, I live a normal teen life with my parents and two older sisters, I've had a past of self harm and suiciide which is thankfully all behind me now, but I do now suffer with some anxiety issues, anyway, sometimes I find myself thinking about how my life is going to end up, it keeps ending up that I am going to loose my mind and end up in a mental institute for the rest of my life, why am I thinking this?? It's really scaring me and getting in my way !:(

  10. #katiFAQ i've a question. My therpist knows that i have self-harmed.. A few weeks ago i was doing really good and didn't selfharmed. Now it is so bad again that i self harm again.. if i tell this to my therpist, does she has to say this to my parents? Love your channel by the way! Xx

  11. I think it would be really good if you debunk the idea that OCD is just about perfectionism and also mention the lesser known forms such as; Primarily obsessive OCD and the lesser known themes like Harm or sexual obsessions as well. OCD can create really horrible fears in your head and the idea that it is perfecting things or cleaning things and saying "I am so OCD" is completely false. Yes there is contamination OCD and some people do have some compulsions to keep things in order, but these are usually to keep at bay the horrible thoughts like how it may hurt others. 

  12. #KatiFAQ
    hi i love your videos they are so helpful and you are amazing!
    My question is:
    if you have always been physically/emotionally abused by men is it possible to trust a male therapist? I'm about to switch therapists (going from a crisis centre which only allows fifteen sessions to somewhere more permanent)
    and was told i will have a male therapist. I am terrified . If i ask for another therapist i will be put back on the bottom of the waiting list which will take weeks. My current therapist does not want me to go without and is unable to extend my sessions.
    Please help!

  13. #katiFAQ I've been clean from SH for 1 year and 5 months now but have felt like relapsing for a few months now, have you got any help on what to do to avoid relapsing and is it okay if I do relapse?

  14. I think a cool topic for the podcast would be men with eating disorders in the gay community. I'm a gay man with an eating disorder and so much of the information out there for male eating disorders is one size fits all and doesn't necessarily break down differences (if there are any) between the straight and gay male eating disorder experience. I think that is good on one hand because I'm sure some straight men with eating disorders are hesitant to come forward for fear of being written off and labeled as gay. That being said however I think that there are significant stressors and influences specific to gay men and eating disorders that would be interesting to hear more about. Sometimes I feel like I've been "left out of the conversation" so to speak, to make my straight counterparts more comfortable with their diagnosis. Also, I've read that men with eating disorders tend to be more prone to over exercise and to an obsession with a muscular appearance, but I tend to identify with the more typical female preoccupation with thinness. I think it would be interesting to explore whether or not there is any correlation between that nuance as it relates to sexual identity, and glbt focused media.

  15. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE PODCAST! That rocks, homie!

    I think borderline and mood disorder NOS would make interesting topics, in addition to ED and SH. 

  16. #KatiFAQ Kati I love your videos and consider them a support in my recovery. My question is: my counsellor says I am not trying hard enough to overcome my ED. She thinks because I have gotten clean and sober and have been months without SI that my ED should be a piece of cake to kick. But it is so much harder. I am trying my hardest but how can I prove this to her? It's like me saying I am working hard on it doesn't work and that she doesn't believe me since I still have bad days. Please offer some advice. Her comments make me feel stupid and lazy and I do want to get better. Thanks.

  17. Hey kati , so I'm a teenager and I have the classic sleep pattern of a teenager only it's not intentional and it's a little more extreme , I go to sleep around 5 am and if I'm in school I wake up around an hour and a half later I've tried so many things to get to sleep but it's like my brain doesn't switch off I have anxious thoughts all the way through the night and like I've been saying for a while medication is not an option I need to maintain that control. Many thanks Miya-Rose #katifaq

  18. Hey Kati, i hope you're well! 
    My question is, for someone with BPD tendencies, how do you overcome the constant hurt and rejection and abandonment you feel from someone (counsellor, psych) you were quite attached to, leaving? This is the second time it's happened and it's something i've been struggling with a lot- making me more reluctant to trust other professionals. Thank you x

  19. You should definitely talk about self harm – the fact that it's not always for attention and the fact that it's not always about trying to commit suicide xx

  20. Hey Kati. Could you please make very clear on your podcast that most people with eating disorders aren't underweight? I feel like no one I talk to about it has any clue that people can look healthy and be very sick. It makes it really hard for people who are of a healthy weight or overweight to think that they deserve treatment and it allows EDs to go untreated for longer. 

  21. Maybe talk about depression? Growing up, my only knowledge about depression was from anti-depressant medicine commercials, making depression out to be this big terrible thing that only a few people had. It took me a while of figuring out on my own that I had depression, because it wasn't the exact same kind of depression as I saw in those commercials. Another topic that could be presented similarly would be anxiety. Basically, just talk about how they're both on a spectrum, not specific boxes to fit into.

  22. I think you should talk about bullying and how it can lead to mental illness, and your thoughts on celebrities with mental illnesses.

  23. #katifaq  G'day Kati, first I would like to thank you for the wonderful work you do. Second, when I was 14 a families friend child would often threaten to kill me and my family and hold knives up at us. They moved away and last November she moved back to the area and every time I pass her in the street or see her I end up having a dream where she trying to kill me and I get away and end up self harming, I then wake up crying and punching myself. This is when my self harm started and could it also be a sign of PTSD?

  24. #katiFAQ could my depression and anxiety actually be PTSD but the doctors haven't looked for PTSD?? I was sexually absurd for 5 years. How to I bring up the fact that I could have PTSD to my doctor? Thanks for all your videos I watch them everyday!!

  25. I think a good topic to talk about for the podcast would be bipolar because I know a lot of people with bipolar disorder and I think it's a really common thing, so it'd be good to talk about and break the stigma. 

  26. #katifaq I'm going to a concert next week at which there will be over 60,000 people in attendance. like a lot of people with anxiety, as an event gets closer I get much more anxious about it. I love the band I am going to see so much, but I literally cannot stop worrying about the large crowds. I want to enjoy it my anxiety is overpowering my joy at this point and I find myself dreading it. I don't know what to do.

  27. #KatiFAQ Hi Kati, I recently saw a video on YouTube and someone said that their doctor told them that to move past their sexual abuse they must forgive their abuser. I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Do we actually have to forgive our abuser to heal?? Thanks

  28. Topic Ideas:
    -Personality and Mood Disorders. What they are and the different types.
    -How to support somebody(or yourself) who has a mental disorder and resources to help do so.
    -It's never a quick fix. It takes time to heal.  

  29. How can I cope with my issues without expressing how I feel to the person that's causing these issues or causing me to feel the way I do?

  30. #katifaq  What is Mood Disorder NOS? Also what's the difference between personality and mood disorders? How/do they affect each other? I'm dealing with both and I often don't know if a problem is coming from BPD or MDNOS. Thanks a ton. 🙂

  31. Are parents sometimes to blame, Hell yes! I had to laugh. Thanks Kati…that is what I love about you, you don't sugar coat things. Thanks for all you do!

  32. Hey Kati, i hope you're well! 
    My question is, for someone with BPD tendencies, how do you overcome the constant hurt and rejection and abandonment you feel from someone (counsellor, psych) you were quite attached to, leaving? This is the second time it's happened and it's something i've been struggling with a lot- making me more reluctant to trust other professionals. Thank you x

  33. Yay Kati. Congrats for being invited  on the show? would we be able to hear it as well?
    I think it would be a good idea to talk how sometimes mental health issues can be developed from a very early age. Like most people believe that the issues start in early adulthood or in teenage years and they blame them on genetics when actually it could be that something could happened in infancy or early childhood and bad parenting (because babies dont come with manuals). I realise that people find it difficult to accept that parents can sometimes damage their children even unconsciously and most of them are in denial and get in the way of their children's recovery at a later point. 

  34. #katifaq
    Hi Kati,
    Do you think therapy could help when I'm too scared to try things? I've been in cbt for a long time but my therapist has been telling me that I'm not working with her for a while now. I'm just really scared and stuck… What would you tell me to do?
    Ps. You're amazing and thank you for everything you do 🙂

  35. #katiFAQ   I've been wondering this since I read another comment where someone brought this up: What defines a mental disorder or illness from a character flaw? Who decides what's a mental illness and why/how?  (for example, how is it decided that Conduct disorder is a disorder, not just a bratty kid? or how is a sociopath differed from just a jerk? haha thanks) 

  36. #KatiFAQ  Hi Kati! I was just wondering if Cyclothymia can develop into Bipolar Type II with no real know reason? My psychiatrist said that I may have Cyclothymia but my low moods feel more like major depressive episodes (suicidal thoughts, feeling on edge, no appetite etc). Im finding it scary and quite concerning as I have never felt this low before. Am I over-thinking/ exaggerating everything or can this actually happen? Thank you for all that you do and sending all my love xoxox

  37. Could you please talk about maladaptive daydreaming along with SH and ED ? I know its not that common but it would be great if u would talk abt it..thanks 🙂

  38. #katifaq  Hi Kati, BPD would be good to talk about as there is many face's we as BPD put on. About BPD's splitting…. 🙂 just a few thank you Kati for all your hard work you are awesome 🙂

  39. If you debunk a myth, perhaps talk about how EDs and SH aren't just "teenage things" like they have no bias against age, it can evolve at any time.

  40. Also, things that hold people back from getting mental health help (fear, finances not feeling 'sick' enough, gender stereotypes) and ways to overcome those obstacles

  41. #KatiFAQ hi Kati! I feel like we usually talk about abusive parents, but what about over protective parents, how does over protection affects you when you grow up?
    Thank you for your awesome work in tis channel

  42. #katiFAQ my question is: how do you know if not drinking alcohol is your personality or your ed?

    Podcast thoughts: it would be awesome to tell people that mental illnesses aren't descriptors eg. You're so ocd! Etc

  43. Last August (2013) I went to my pediatrician for a physical because school was opening again. I weighed myself amd she told I was overweight. I knew I was I was just living in denial. She was a little harsh about it. I decided why dont I do something. So I just kind of made up a diet and ate less and eat more healthy options. It went fine then one day I weighed myself I didn't lose. I cried because I was working hard. So I decided that day I would only have one spoon of dinner. The next day I got results and I was so happy. So from then on I would juice greens. I would have a few sips of juice and a salad(spinach/lettuce) the size of my fist. I would slil from time to time at school so I would purge. Now I kinda of am close to my Goal weight but not there. Everyone has praised me for my weight loss. So idk I slowly started eating more. Every time I try to go back I quit after a day or two and its frustrating because I want to get to my goal weight so bad. My mind is like you should just eat healthy. But its also telling me you know not eating is the only way.

  44. #KatiFAQ Hi Kati. I suffered from anorexia nervosa from age eleven to eighteen and am nearly twenty three now. I had a big slip in December 2013 and went back into treatment. Since then, Bikram yoga has been the most amazing tool in managing the disordered thought patterns and anxiety associated with anorexia. However, I notice that my eating disorder can hijack my positive and healing coping mechanisms and use them as fuel. Now if I don't go to yoga for a few days, my anxiety gets really high about weight gain, I see myself growing in the mirror and I feel myself crawling out of my skin. What should I do to prevent these hijacks by my eating disorder and when it happens, what can I do about it? Thanks 🙂

  45. #katifaq  Hi Kati, I was wondering if you could help me out with this. I think I may have some kind of disordered eating habits I need to break out of. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in 2010 and have been struggling since. I know that when I don't take any insulin, I am able to significantly lose weight within just a few days. This has put me into hospital several times with diabetic ketoacidosis and I know the damage I am doing to my body is serious but I can't get it out of my mind that I can eat whatever I want and still lose this disgusting fat… I feel like I've already done damage so what's the point in trying to get healthier now… help 🙁

  46. #katifaq  Hi Kati. I just started therapy in January for depression and self harm that I had been dealing with for years. I was abused as a child by my mother. Its just me and her in the house and we aren't close and don't have any type of relationship. We sort of just co-exist. When I met my therapist, I didn't really like her, but the more I talked to her, the more I grew to adore her. I love her. I count down the days until my next appointment to see her. I wish she was my mother and often find myself generally depressed over it. I find it hard to get through therapy sometimes because all I want to do is make her like me and impress her. Is this normal for abuse patients? Should I tell her? And if so, how? I hope I am not the only one.

    Thank you for your videos. They make me smile!

  47. #katiFAQ  is it bad to tell yourself it's okay to relapse? It seems that if I tell myself that, I'm more likely to relapse.

  48. #katiJournalTopic  List all your values. Anything and everything that's a value. Now write down how they are a value to you. Now scale it from 1-10 on how valuable it is to you. The ones that are listed on a lower number, try to start doing more often. 

  49. KATIFAQ hi kati, I feel completely isolated & mis understood & different from my family, I was sexually abused for 6 years from when I was 8 years old. The relationship between me& my sister is pretty shit as she doesn't "get me" and doesn't even try to relate to my problems & can come across really cold. My question is-

    Should I talk to my younger sister about what happened to me? As in the fact I protected her from him, (she doesn't no this) it was either me or her, and I never let him hurt her.
    She is 5 yrs younger than me, and she is very confident/ successful/happy, & I am happy for that, but feel she refuses to relate to my life. We are completely different and see things very differently,it's really hard when someone u care about so much doesn't understand u and u feel alone it makes us argue & fight. Even tho wat happened to me was the worst thing in the world I would do it all over again to protect her cos she means so much to me & I have this protection over her. But I feel the feeling isn't u think by telling her everything would help us be close? (She knows very little about wat happened & refuses to mention it or talk about it even tho it happened to me not her. Pls help Thankyou xxxxx @Kati Morton

  50. My hair has started falling out.. What does it mean? Advice on how to stop it? Please help 🙁 #katiFAQ

  51. idk if you know much about this, but i would love to hear stuff about chronic illness coming first/causing/along with depression, anxiety, ed, self harm, bpd… thanks!

  52. #katifaq is there a way you can go to child services and maybe go into foster care if your parent emotionally abuse you?

  53. #katifaq what are the credentials of a social worker? What is the difference between a social worker and a therapist?

  54. Can you please do some sort of office tour? I think it would be really cool to see what a therapist office looks like.

  55. #katifaq  thank you for all your videos they've really helped me. if you read this could you please let me know, if you are working on anxiety, sh and an ed which one should you start recovering from first if the others get worse when you aren't recovering from them? thank you again.

  56. Help with handling depression and self harm while going off to college! My mom it's an alcoholic who has been clean for almost 6 months but I'm TERRIFIED to leave her because I'm scared she's going to get bad again and I won't be here to help. I leave in about 2 weeks!

  57. It would be really good if you talked about how anorexia and bulimia aren't the only eds there's also bed, ednos etc

  58. Your channel is one of the only resources I've found that really makes me feel capable of improving my life and getting healthier and happier. You have a rare gift in being able to talk through the most negative things in someone's life/mind and make a person feel less ashamed and afraid of those things, while still dealing with them head on. I feel like one of the biggest stigmas people suffering with mental health issues face is being made to feel ashamed, afraid, and to blame for their issues. I know that's what we call general stigma, but it's more than just a misunderstanding about the facts of a particular disorder, it's an entire mind set about people who are struggling, whether they ask for help or not. We're called weak, attention seeking, lazy, selfish, etc. Making it so much harder to seek the help we need, or utilizing any help we might finally get.
    I don't know how you could fit it into the podcast necessarily, but I think it would be great if you talked a little about this kind of issue and how people can help to improve this kind of generalized stigma.

  59. I'm so glad to have found you from Courtney !! I have so many questions but since this is about eating disorders but more or so anorexia I'm asking here. I just found you so I'm not so sure where I get advice from you?? But my question is what am I considered to have?? Do I just have low self esteem and body issues or do I have some sort of eating disorder?? I'm 20 btw and I weight about 180-190 lbs and I'm 5'7. (I know I'm so disgustingly obese, I would say I'm equivalent to a whale but I'm much bigger than that) Most of my childhood I was very skinny, I was actually bullied for being so so skinny but as soon as I hit 10th grade my boobs began to grow bigger and bigger and so has my weight. My dad began to harass me over my weight and always mentioned it, he always added my weight gain in him and my mothers arguments and one day he came in my room and yelled at me and hit my fat, ever since then I have been VERY self conscious of my weight. I've always restricted my eating and threw up if I ever ate too too much, but my senior year I just let go and ate whatever and didn't care and gained even more weight. After high school I've always eaten less, skip breakfast,skip lunch and eat dinner. It never even dawned on me how much I wasn't eating until now because I was recently sexually assaulted near my house and I have become obsessed with becoming skinny now, looking at pictures, and looking for tips to get skinny fast. I barely eat( if I do it's really low in calorie, graham crackers and water are my favorite) and I work out a lot. I don't think I have anorexia though because I see my fat body for how it is. Like I'm fat there is no denying that, I'm not like really skinny and still feel fat no I'm just actually a big fat pig it's quite gross. So I want to know what I have?? I'm not very sure..😣😣I also have questions about depression too.

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