Diarrhea Disaster | Kinda Awkward | VPRO
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Diarrhea Disaster | Kinda Awkward | VPRO

September 2, 2019


A couple of years ago I lived
in Rio de Janeiro. So I met this very polite British guy. With a very British accent.
And, uhm… In Brazil it’s customary to have sex in
what is called a ‘sex motel’. So we hopped inside, and… Then we started having sex… And it went pretty well. And it was pretty sexy too. And at some point I was… On my hands and knees and we’re just…
having sex. And at a certain point… Something is smelling really
fucking bad. So he goes: ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no! Shit!’. So I was like… I didn’t understand
what was going on, because I was just
facing the wall… On my hands and knees. And I took a look behind me and I saw
that he had the most extreme
bout of diarrhea. I mean, just the foulest bout of diarrhea.
During sex. So the whole bed is covered and also
I’m totally covered in shit. And it smells so fucking bad. So he sprints towards the bathroom and
while he was in there, I heard his bowels go… ‘Blubblubblub’. Diarrhea flying all over the place,
you know? So I was just sitting there in bed,
covered in shit. Anyway, after half an hour he asks me
if I could hand him his boxer shorts. So I gave him his boxers through the
slightly opened door. And… He puts his boxers back on and I
hear him have… Another bout of diarrhea. Again like ‘blubblubblub’. So after a while he put his clothes
back on. He swiftly put his jeans back on. And we just walked away. We’re standing in the elevator, going
from the fourth floor to ground level. And halfway down he experienced
another bout of diarrhea. So he vigourously shat his entire pants. And he goes: ‘Open the doors,
open the doors’. And the first thing he does is, he sees
a vacant room and… He sees this Brazilian cleaning lady. He nearly scared her to death, while he
ran inside that bathroom. Which happend to be unlocked and just
cleaned by this lady. And he covers the toilet to
the brim with poo. All the while I was standing there
in the doorway. And i was so ashamed!
I badly wanted to get away. And that lady also looked at me like:
‘What is going on here?’. Then he finally returned and I just
ordereda cab and we drove back
to the hostel. He literally couldn’t look me in the
eyes for that entire ride. We settled down for the night and, well… That was… Yeah, well that pretty much was
the entire story. How dreadful.

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