Anorexia – Fed Through the nose – A Warning

August 25, 2019

I have something, a discussion or topic
that I find really important to address. Uh, kind of a warning and
just, to let people know th – the kind of road that they’re going
down if they’re going down this road. If you have an eating disorder or are
going to – or are developing one, well, think about where that’s
going, where that’s headed. Because in around March of
this year I stopped eating. And um, I lost a lot of weight. And uh I think that I made a video
called Anorexia: A Poem, and I looked pretty skinny in it, I – I’d
lost some weight and after that video uh, I didn’t make one for a while, 1. because I was hospitalised and 2. because I didn’t want to
put out – set out that bad example of my weight, because I lost
more weight after that video. Um, and I looked… I looked pretty scary. I mean, I – even though I didn’t
tell my family about it, I didn’t say that I had stopped eating
but they knew because I looked it. And ah, I got hospitalised. If you lose a certain percentage
of your body weight, you can be hospitalised
against your will. Hopefully you go because you want to
go, because you want to get better. But you can be hospitalised
against your will. So, um. At the time I really, I
just wanted to die. And um. I wanted to dehydrate myself to death. Which is a slow way to go. But by the time I’d gotten in the hospital (birds chirp) – stupid birds – um. My blood work showed that
my organs were failing and all kinds of other stuff that
they were worried about and I still refused to drink
so they put an IV in me. And after a while I pulled it out! But ah… and they got mad, obviously. Um, and, in time, uh, they…
I, I, I had started eating again and then I stopped because I freaked out. And after a little bit, they started talking about
feeding me through the nose. (?) is what they called it; I don’t
know what they call it in English. Eh, but they talked about it a lot, uh and they even – uh, the
nutritionist even came and she showed me the bag of stuff that was completely disgusting
looking and I said to her – “Are you happy now? Like, are you happy
now that you’ve shown me that?” I mean, I wasn’t in a good mood;
uh, I wasn’t… (birds chirp) I wasn’t, uh, feeling that,
uh, it was necessary to come and, and scare me with the bag. Um, and people were making jokes like – “You should go and show her
the bag to scare her – and then she’ll start eating again.” Um. And I didn’t think it was funny. Uh, overhearing these things and
having them do these things but I mean I understand their perspective, but uh, the thing is that they go
through your nose with a tube and you’re supposed to keep
swallowing and swallowing until it goes down your throat and then if you refuse it, basically, um they can make the courts – uh, they can appeal the courts and the courts can make –
can give them permission to force you to do it. and if you don’t accept
they’ll tie you to the bed and they’ll leave you tied to
the bed for a few days uh, with this machine going once in
a while, um, feeding you. Force feeding you. and uh, it’s an absolutely terrifying
concept. It’s um, degrading. And uh, I’m pretty sure that
they don’t enjoy doing it. It scared me a lot, but uh,
I didn’t start eating again. And uh, by the time that they said
that they were going to do it um, the psy-my psychiatrist was a
different psychiatrist, he’d changed I guess lucky for me in
that r- in some respects because he didn’t see it as necessary to feed this lost cause that I was. So um, they didn’t do it,
because I said ‘no’, and they decided not to appeal
the courts to force me to do it. So, um, I got away without it. But not everyone is gonna
get away without it. Not everyone is gonna have a lax
psychiatrist that’s gonna give up on you and say that it – you
know, it’s a lost cause. Not everyone is gonna do that.
Um… (birds chirp) You can get fed through the
nose. With a tube. Um, it’s, I, I had, I didn’t have it
happen to me, luckily. But it can happen. And, uh, I’m not – I guess the idea isn’t – I’m not trying to make you piss
your pants or anything, uh, but make you aware of this reality
because – where you’re headed can be exactly that. And a lot of people, maybe, who are watching now,
have had it happen to them, maybe they can comment, and uh, encourage others to,
uh, try and get better, uh, before it gets to that. But, uh, I just wanted – wanted to tell
my story because I didn’t tell it and I was very ashamed of
myself at the time for, uh, failing and being in hospital for a while. I was in for like a month, and then back out and in
again and it was ridiculous. Um. So I just want you guys to know, if you’re heading down, uh, a certain
road where you’re not eating, or you’re throwing up everything that
you eat and you’re losing weight, uh, you can – this can
happen to you. Okay? Um, so I know this was a terrible video and I’m going to go and say subscribe
anyways if you haven’t subscribed. uh, I make videos about mental health, uh, eating disorders, uh, self harm, anxiety, all kinds of stuff, even
Tourette’s Syndrome. And uh, so, subscribe for that
if you haven’t already. And I have a French mental health channel
and I have a comedy channel that you can click and… discover.

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